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  • Writer's pictureAndrew Fisk

Ceremony Sand

So ceremony sand is what we chose at our Wedding 7 1/2 years ago instead of the union candles. I don’t remember where I first saw people using sand instead of the candles, but I really liked the idea. There are actual ceremony sand “kits” you can buy at craft stores but instead we went with the cheaper route, lol, and I bought our own clear cylinder vase, and a container of kids white and blue “play” sand (they didn’t have silver/gray, our other “color” in our Wedding, so white had to do). Then we borrowed vases from our friend to be the pouring vases. So the sand represents the same as the candles, where you have each candle lit at the beginning of the ceremony representing each of you, then after the reading of vows, exchanging of rings, and in our case taking communion together for the first time, you light the unity candle from the two separate ones. Then the candle burns the rest of the ceremony and then eventually it is blown out and you set it in your home as a type of decor and remembrance of your Wedding Day where you joined your new family you created together. With the sand, we poured each color into the empty one at the same time, the funny thing is, during our ceremony, I think because we chose the kids “play sand” there was more, ahem, let’s say dust? than actual sand and we had QUITE the dust cloud ascend and we both all but giggled as we each poured our side, taking turns, to create a beautiful affect of layers of each sand. I have pictured it here for you from our Wedding Day.

Now of course this is mid-pour and before the dust clouds lol. It probably filled up about 3/4 of the vase. I love the way this looks! Representing myself joining with himself, neat, pretty and distinct layers and also how with sand once it mixes, you can’t separate it, just as we have joined together we will not be separated. So after our honeymoon we proudly displayed this open vase of beautifully layered sand on our entry table. After a few months I was doing my weekly cleaning and UH OH, dumped the open vase on the floor and spilled about half of it!!! I felt TERRIBLE, ruining the pretty affect and mixing it all up and of course losing some to the carpet that I had to vacuum up now. (And apparently I didn’t tell Andrew for a year and didn’t remember this fact?!!???!! Where is my memory? lol.) We decided when we were about to put it into storage to somehow “plug” it so as to preserve it. We found a sink plug that was silver/black that looked tasteful enough and fit perfectly! (I’m sure there are “fancy” lids when you buy the kit to avoid such a blunder lol) Then over the years of moving, storage, etc it has not budged and remained in tact at the only somewhat disheveled state. Then we moved to Kazakhstan and Andrew oh so carefully secured it between blankets in a plastic tote that got brought over by plane with our friends, and alas, it spilled! Not only did it spill a little bit, but A LOT, like all of it. So Andrew amazingly retrieved (almost) all of it and poured it back in and secured our plug once again on the top. I didn’t notice at first because he had done some of this when I was out, telling me “something” wasn’t the same. Finally I was in our room where he had placed the vase and I realized that THAT was what he was talking about. This is NOW how it looks.

I was a bit sad. No more pretty layers. Now around this timeframe Andrew and I had had quite a big argument. Like tears on both ends, said very hurtful things (actually not a raising the voice kind for once) kind of argument. There were a number of things that were wrapped up in this argument and as I looked at the vase of sand, I realized that how the sand is all mixed up now truly represents how things are in our marriage 7 1/2 years later. When we were first married, things were a bit more neat, “pretty” and distinct as far as him wooing me, us “falling in love” and not so many arguments. We have had our fare share over the years, but in the end our marriage is like this vase of sand now- super mixed up, more entangled, not as neatly put. And I am okay with it. I am actually happy about it. While I never DESIRE arguments, fights, or misunderstandings, we have chosen to honestly allow them to make us stronger, draw us closer together, “mix us up” in a sense. We actually understand each other better, know each other more and do not have as wide as “sand gaps” as we used to in a way. Of course, for decoration sake I probably would prefer the layered “look” to have an in tact version from our Wedding day and those of you who have chosen this unity sand as well, I don’t suggest “knocking it around” to show the representation of your current marriage, HAH. But I am resolute with the non layered look and every time I look at it now, not JUST reminded about the beautiful layers representing our Wedding Day joining together, I am ALSO reminded of all the work, sweat, tears, pain, and effort it takes to keep us joined together to this day and each day moving forward.

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